Shit Agent phones Cameron Macintosh

SA:

That's the great thing about show business right, I can do something that is fantastic, which is go straight through to the main man. This guy I'm ringing now, multi-millionaire load of cars and stuff, bit of a twat...but there's lots of them in the business, you've just got to be professional and get on with the job...that's me professional.

(bbrrrriiiiiinng bbrrrring)

SA:

Hello is that Cadbury's Macintosh Limited?

CM:

CAMERON MACINTOSH!!!!!

SA:

Oh, Cameron Macintosh, I beg your fucking pardon...look don't piss your pants, it was a fucking mistake yeah, alright...I don't want to speak to the organ grinder...I want to speak to the monkey...put slime-ball on will you?... who?...who do you fucking think?...who?...Cam...Cameron.

CM:

This is Cameron.

SA:

Oh hello Mr. Macintosh Sir, it's Shit Agent here...Oh bollocks, I think we've beeen cut off , right lets give it another go, so reliable the phones since they've been privatised...he's got a lovely veneer about him this guy. I don't actually know what that means but it sounds goood, been using that line for a while...veneer...very good...come on you twat hurry up...(bbrrrriiiiiinng bbrrrring) ...I've not got all day...I have got all day come on you twat...Hello there Cam, listen don't put the phone down Shit Agent here. I believe you been struggling in the West End with this caberet act called Les Miseriables...now listen I don't mean to be facious... but are you really fucking surprised...you know...will you ever fucking learn...this guy, I've never heard of him...been in the business now twenty-five year, I'm a old hand never fucking heard of him...I can get you Les Gray remember the singer out of Mud...does all his hits for eighty quid a night, you remember like...I can't remember, Tiger Feet...what a fucking great tune that was...you're not interested, right okay...while you're on I believe that Miss Saigons starting on her arse isn't she...well again...I've got to state the fucking obvious but what a dog of an act that is...tell you what I can get you Miss Pointins Verstatin 1994 to 96, what a pair of top bollocks she's got, she's that welll stacked, she's not seen her kneecaps in ten years...boom boom...what do you say...fucking hell been cut of again...he's a humourless bastard he is anyway.